Curse Of The Kyo-Kai Club
by Red Witch
Summary: The Figgis Agency is hired to investigate a club that is supposedly being haunted.


**Something supernatural took off with the disclaimer that I don't own any Archer characters. Just some mad ideas from my mad little mind. What other adventures in detective work await Archer and the crew? And how can they annoy Mallory even more?**

 **Curse of The Kyo-Kai Club **

"Look I **know** we need the money," Lana sighed as she looked up at the tastefully decorated building with several colorful posters decorating it before her. "But this assignment is ridiculous even for **us!"**

"It's not ridiculous Lana!" Archer barked as he helped take some equipment out of Krieger's van with the other members of the agency. "All we're doing is investigating a ghost sighting at a local nerd hangout."

"It's **not** a nerd hangout!" Cyril snapped. "The Kyo-Kai Club is an organization for adults with interests in Japanese pop culture as well as online gaming."

"It's a nerd hangout," Lana gave him a look.

"Okay yeah but…" Cyril admitted. "They're nerds with money!"

"And this is an actual **ghostbusting assignment**!" Archer said excitedly. "I've always wanted to be a ghostbuster! And I'm getting paid for it! I'm living the dream baby!"

"Well this sounds like the start of one of my **nightmares**!" Lana said to the group.

"Oh come on Lana!" Pam said. "This sounds like a pretty cool mission!"

"It sounds like a Scooby Doo rip-off!" Lana barked.

"Oh put a sock in it Debbie Downer!" Cyril said. "Look the president of this club thinks the building is haunted. I said we'd check it out. He paid good money up front for us to investigate and I'm not giving it back!"

"Not to mention this investigation will be a few more hours for us towards my PI license," Archer added. "So I'm game to play ghostbuster for a few hours!"

"And it's a chance for me to test my new ghost detecting and capturing devices!" Krieger said cheerfully.

Cyril rolled his eyes. "It's probably not even a ghost. More likely some shadows or air that's blowing around. Or at the worst some guy dressed in a costume scaring everyone."

"It is a Scooby Doo rip-off!" Lana groaned.

"Lana! I don't need your negativity right now!" Cyril snapped.

"Yeah Lana! For one thing everyone knows that ghosts feed off of negativity!" Cheryl agreed.

"Your bad vibes are really gonna mess things up," Pam agreed. "Tell her Ms. Archer!"

"Don't look at me!" Mallory huffed as she folded her arms. "For once I'm with Lana! This is a ridiculous scheme that is beneath our status!"

"How can you say that?" Krieger asked. "For all you know we could be on the verge of a scientific breakthrough into the study of the paranormal!"

"Most important of all, it's a chance for us to make some real business connections and impress future clients," Cyril added.

"What kind of moron clients believe in ghosts?" Mallory snapped.

"They are **not** morons!" Cyril snapped. "They are like minded individuals with varied interests from all walks of life and in several kinds of business."

"You play Warhammer and online Risk with these people don't you?" Archer asked.

"How do you think I got this gig in the first place?" Cyril admitted.

"Oh joy," Mallory said sarcastically. "Just what we need as clients. An entire club filled with Cyrils!"

"Probably why the ghost is haunting them in the first place," Archer shrugged. "Easy targets."

"You know…?" Cyril glared at him.

"It's still ridiculous!" Lana barked. "Ghosts aren't real!"

"They are too!" Archer protested.

"Yeah Lana!" Pam said. "Ever hear of a little show called Ghost Hunters? Or Ghost Detectors? Or Ghost Investigations? Or Haunted Investigations? Or Paranormal Investigations? Or Haunted Witness? Or Paranormal Witness?"

"I get it! There are a lot of ghost hunting shows!" Lana barked.

"Don't forget all the medium shows!" Cheryl spoke up. "There's that medium from New York. That one from New Jersey. That one from the Midwest. That teenage one that talks to all the Hollywood Stars…"

"I've seen that show!" Pam said. "That's a really good one!"

"Yes, good for sucking out **the brain cells!"** Mallory groaned. "Sterling you can't possibly be serious about believing in this nonsense! I mean I get why Krieger and the Brain Dead Twins over here believe in it…"

"Ghosts are **real** Mother!" Archer barked. "I know! There are times I've actually sensed the presence of something I can't explain. Something that made my senses stronger and more alert. A feeling that I wasn't alone in a room! That I was more aware of something…"

"Yeah it's called being **sober** ," Lana quipped.

"Burn!" Cyril chuckled.

"Considering how much you drink over a twenty four hour period, little wonder it's an unfamiliar sensation," Lana added.

"Double burn!" Cyril called out.

"Here's a tip Sterling," Mallory sighed. "When it comes from a bottle it's called a **hallucination!** Not a haunting!"

"Dr. Archer, report to the Burn Unit!" Cyril quipped.

"Shut up!" Archer glared at Cyril.

"Ray you know I'm right about all this ghost nonsense right?" Lana asked. She was stunned when Ray didn't answer right away. "Ray?"

"Sorry Lana…I mean," Ray sheepishly scratched his head with his gloved hand. "I know logically you have a point but…My granny used to tell me stories about spirits and beings that lived beyond this world."

"The gay bionic hillbilly is superstitious," Mallory rolled her eyes. "What a shock!"

"It's not superstition to consider the possibility that ghosts and spirits exist!" Ray snapped.

"Oh please!" Mallory snapped. "They were probably nothing more than the drunken hallucinations of a barefoot hillbilly idiot plastered on moonshine!"

"My granny never drank moonshine!" Ray shouted angrily. "And she wore **shoes!** Very nice ones! When she had to. For church. Or to go to a family function. Or a family member's court date…"

"Oh dear God…" Mallory grumbled. "Surrounded by idiots on all sides!"

"I can't believe you believe in ghosts and curses and all this nonsense!" Lana said to Ray.

"I dunno Lana," Pam pointed out. "It would explain a lot about Ray. Why he's always getting paralyzed or maimed."

"That is a good point," Archer admitted.

"The only point there is are the ones on **your heads**!" Lana barked. "So to recap, only Mallory and I are sane here!"

"And me!" Cyril protested. "I don't believe in ghosts either."

"Oh right," Lana blinked.

"Burn!" Archer snorted.

"Technically that wasn't a burn," Ray corrected. "She didn't make a comment. She just forgot that he existed for a moment."

"Still a burn by oversight right?" Archer asked.

"I don't think so," Pam said.

"Yeah a proper burn has a zing or a witty retort," Cheryl added. "That really wasn't as much as a zing as a…"

"Mental shrug?" Pam suggested.

"More like a forgetful pause," Krieger corrected.

"Or a Zen thing," Archer suggested. "I mean if Cyril says something stupid but no one pays attention to him, does he really make a noise at all?"

"Hey!" Cyril snapped.

"Of course he makes a noise!" Ray protested.

"But how do you know if you can't **hear him**?" Krieger prompted.

"Hey!" Cyril snapped.

"That depends," Ray remarked. "If he's jacking off in an elevator then yes people can definitely **hear** him!"

"Now **that's** a burn!" Pam pointed out.

"HEY! IDIOTS!" Cyril shouted. "Hear **this**! Get the equipment inside the building and start investigating before I **burn you**!"

"So glad I am **not** a spy anymore," Mallory said sarcastically. "I mean who needs international espionage, wealth and respect when you can stand around on a street corner all day and listen to **idiots!** "

"You are never going to let that go are you?" Pam asked.

"WHAT DO YOU THINK?" Mallory shouted.

"I think we should just get inside and investigate!" Cyril took out a key from his pocket. "The president of the club gave me his key and security codes so we can get in. And no one else is coming tonight so we can investigate."

"Investigate what? Nerd porn?" Mallory barked.

"What the hell is a Kyo-Kai anyway?" Lana asked.

"It's a few things actually," Krieger explained as he took out the remaining equipment from the van. "The word kyoukai itself is Japanese for admonishment or organization depending on its use. It's also the name of several anime ninjas. Mostly female."

"Oh God it is a nerd porn club!" Mallory moaned.

"But this particular incantation of the name actually refers to the latest gaming craze from Japan," Krieger said. "Where you capture and control beautiful female spirits with amazing powers in order to become a great and powerful sorcerer!"

"So it's basically Pokémon with big breasted bimbos?" Lana groaned.

"Pretty much yes," Krieger shrugged.

"So how's this game played?" Archer asked.

"Yeah how?" Pam asked.

"I've got an app on my phone!" Krieger showed them.

"Of course you do," Lana groaned.

"Cyril and I have matches all the time," Krieger added.

"Shock!" Ray rolled his eyes.

On the screen there were two scantily clad women fighting. One was blond and wearing a tiny yellow and black bikini with yellow ears. "Electric Fist of Death!" She cried out.

"AAAIIIEEEE!" A blue haired woman in a sexy blue outfit screamed as her outfit was shredded to almost nothing.

"You have got to be kidding me…" Lana groaned in disgust. "This is so stupid!"

"I dunno," Archer's eyes were glued to the screen. "Maybe these guys are onto something? Hey Krieger where can I get a copy of this?"

"Come on!" Lana grabbed Archer's ears and dragged him away.

"Lana! OWW! LANA! WATCH IT!" Archer protested. "Your man hands are gonna rip off my ears! OW! Mother! Help!"

Mallory said in a bored tone. "It's bad enough I'm missing a night of drinking. Now I have to come to your rescue **again?** "

"OWWWWW! MOTHER!"

"Oh wait, I have a flask in my purse," Mallory took it out. "I think I'll wet my whistle first."

"MOTHER!" Archer screamed as Mallory took a drink. "MOTHER!"

"He, he…" Cyril snickered as he saw Mallory hold up a finger while drinking. "You guys want to know where you can download the app?"

"Yeah!" Pam said cheerfully.

"No, thank you…" Ray winced at the images on the phone. "Ugh…"

"OWWWWWWW! LANA!" Archer screamed.

"If I want to watch a blood sport I'll just look over there," Ray snickered as he watched Lana torture Archer. "Ooh. Did not think an ear could turn that shade of purple."

Several minutes later the gang was standing around inside the club. It was filled with statues of anime characters, displays of cards and action figures as well as a shelf full of anime books. There were also chairs and tables as well as a few video games scattered across the room.

"This looks like an alternate reality where Bertie Wooster hung out if he was a modern day nerd," Mallory sniffed in distain. "Maybe Gillette will get lucky and the ghost of Oscar Wilde will haunt him."

"You do know Oscar Wilde didn't write the Jeeves and Wooster books right?" Archer rubbed his sore ear. "You kind of mixed up your literary metaphors Mother."

"I didn't say I believed **this place** was haunted!" Ray corrected with a twinge of anger in his voice. "I just said I believed in ghosts. There's a difference!"

"So why exactly do these people think this building is haunted?" Lana asked with a sigh.

"For the past few weeks people have heard strange laughter with no explanation," Cyril said.

"Probably people walking past this building," Mallory grumbled as she finished the alcohol in her flask. "Laughing at the losers **inside** the building."

"There have also been reports of a transparent woman walking through walls," Cyril said.

"And how drunk are these guys that claimed to see an _actual woman_ hanging around here?" Lana snorted.

"Believe it or not Lana women actually make up twenty five percent of this club," Cyril glared at her.

"I don't believe it," Lana admitted. "So basically it's just a bunch of unexplained noises and probably some drunk hallucinations that make people think that this building is haunted."

"Well that and the fact that this building was the hangout of a serial killer back in the day," Cyril admitted.

"Wait **what?** " Lana did a double take.

"Are you **serious**?" Ray gasped.

"No way!" Pam gasped.

"It's true," Cyril nodded. "Back in the 30's and 40's this used to be known as the Tezcor Terrace, one of the most exclusive and elegant hotels in Los Angeles. Movie stars, models, mobsters, producers all came here. And it was owned by Mr. August September, one of the most powerful men of his time. He was also a complete and total maniac."

"What did he do?" Archer asked slightly nervously.

"He had friends with several powerful gangsters and producers in the movie business," Cyril explained. "Who sometimes needed help with making their enemies…go away. At first he just let them use his place to kill them or stash the body for a few days. But eventually…He got interested in his own projects."

"What kind of projects?" Ray asked.

"Let's just say he took the art of the snuff film to a whole other level," Cyril admitted. "When the police finally figured out what was going on, they found over a hundred preserved cadavers in the basement. All dressed up in fine clothes. See he liked to preserve and pose his victims for some of his films in the background. Apparently they were cheaper than extras."

"Dukes…" Ray winced.

"He would have kept going only he made the mistake of trying to kill a well-known mobster and his family in the hotel," Cyril said. "Apparently he wanted to make a mobster film with realism. Anyway the mobster and his youngest daughter survived and escaped the hotel of horrors and told the police. Who the mobster had been bribing for years and had them in his pocket."

"That does sound like a very big mistake," Mallory admitted with a wince. "Sloppy."

"Apparently the cops blew his brains out right over there!" Cyril pointed to a corner of the room. "And the hotel was shut down for decades until now. When it was bought and renovated."

"Okay so…" Archer gulped, slightly nervous. "We're standing in a place where a serial killer killed over a hundred people…And then got himself killed. And the people who own this building now bought it _anyway?_ "

"They got a very good deal," Cyril said. "A cheap price."

"Of course it was cheap!" Ray snapped. "There's probably a hundred ghosts squatting in this place!"

"Yeah if there ever was an argument for a building to be haunted," Krieger looked around. "This would be a good one."

"Oh will you guys knock it off?" Lana barked. "Stop acting crazy! I mean at least a hundred people died back at our old agency but you never worried about that before!"

"It wasn't a hun…." Archer began to protest but stopped. "Wait a minute." He started to count on his fingers.

"Well there were all those interns that died," Krieger admitted. "And Brett."

"Bilbo," Ray added. "That Cuban hit squad that invaded our building."

"Those cleaning ladies Ms. Archer killed in the elevator," Cheryl spoke up.

"That one guy who died while having sex with me in the Men's bathroom," Pam added.

"That CIA agent who posed as an FBI agent when they fake raided us and shut down the agency," Lana added.

"That guy you killed when you thought he was a ninja," Pam pointed to Lana.

"The guy **you killed** when he held you hostage instead of Cheryl!" Lana pointed back. "As well as an entire group of kidnappers when they raided the building."

"That guy Ms. Archer killed when she thought he was a union rep but wasn't," Pam added.

"My research assistant who accidentally drank a bottle of acid," Krieger admitted.

"That one guy who was set on fire when he tried to take a drink from a water fountain filled with vodka," Ray added.

"That **other guy** who was set on fire," Cheryl added.

"A bunch of assassins that tried to kill us over the years," Ray added. "That's at least twenty right there."

"That guy that got killed during that knife fight in the break room," Pam added.

"That other guy that died in the break room because he choked to death," Krieger added.

"That other-other guy that died in the break room because he had a heart attack," Archer added. "His cholesterol levels were through the roof!"

"A few agents and drones that died of drug overdoses," Cheryl added.

"Including the one that got high off your groovy bears and jumped out the window because he thought he could fly," Pam added.

"Krenshaw! Remember Krenshaw?" Cyril added.

"He was killed outside the building," Archer corrected. "Doesn't count."

"It does because it was technically on our property and from your bullets," Cyril pointed out.

"Oh yeah. I guess it does count," Archer remembered. "Huh. Now that I think about it. At least a hundred people died back at our old agency."

"More than that if you count my human clone experiments," Krieger admitted.

"I guess it is kind of silly to be creeped out in this place when our old agency was ten times creepier," Ray added. "And more dangerous."

"And at least here they rid of all the blood splatter off the walls and floors," Mallory admitted. "It is a lot cleaner than our old agency I have to admit."

"So can we please just _get on_ with this," Lana sighed. "Did anyone find out if this club had any enemies? You know? People who might want to buy this property for some other reason?"

"That would have been a good thing to look into," Cheryl admitted cheerfully.

"I did not think of that," Cyril admitted.

"To be fair, who'd want to buy a serial killer's hotel that's inhabited by nerds?" Archer admitted. "Unless it's a serial killer that hunts nerds. Which is pretty unnecessary. They have enough natural enemies as it is."

"So what is the plan exactly?" Lana asked, exasperated. "Just wander around this place hoping to find a clue or a ghost?"

"Pretty much yeah," Archer admitted with a shrug.

"So this **is** going to be just like an episode of Scooby Doo," Lana rolled her eyes.

"It's not going to be like an episode of Scooby Doo," Ray told her. "We have one thing they don't have."

"What?" Pam asked. "A world class set of actual ghost catching equipment?"

"No…" Ray began.

"A team of highly trained agents skilled in the deadly forms of martial arts?" Archer spoke up.

"No," Ray shook his head.

"I know!" Cheryl brought out some candles. "Special candles from an old gypsy woman made especially for cleansing spirits!"

"No!" Ray said. "And you really shouldn't have those Cheryl."

"As long as she doesn't have fire she's fine," Archer waved. "Oh speaking of spirits…" Archer took out his flask from his pocket.

"I wasn't talking about that either," Ray said.

Krieger looked confused. "An erection?"

"No, I'm talking about guns," Ray took his out.

"Oh yeah," Pam nodded. "I forgot."

"If we see a monster, all we gotta do is shoot him," Ray shrugged. "Boom! Monster goes down. We unmask whoever it is. Mystery solved."

"Those episodes would be a lot shorter if Shaggy and the gang were packing heat," Archer realized.

"You think they'd get some weapons for self-defense after all these years of being chased by bad guys," Pam thought aloud.

"Or at the very least blow away that annoying Scrappy Doo," Cheryl spoke up.

"Oh I hated Scrappy Doo!" Ray groaned. "He was the worst!"

"Yeah terrible character," Pam agreed. "I always wondered why Scooby was always saving his butt. If that dumb ass shrimp wants to get into a fight, let him! One good beat down would knock the wind out of his sails!"

"Now that's an episode I'd watch," Ray admitted.

"Me too," Archer said.

"This can't be my life…" Mallory moaned as she sat in a chair. "This **can't** be my life…"

"I always liked Velma," Pam said. "I always felt like we had a lot in common."

"Besides wearing orange and being considered the fat one?" Cheryl scoffed.

"Velma is not fat!" Pam snapped.

"You're just saying that because you want to bang her," Cheryl snorted.

"What's wrong with that?" Pam asked.

"Velma's not even gay!" Archer barked. "She's dating Johnny Bravo!"

"Since when?" Pam asked.

"Since like forever ago!" Archer told her.

"I dunno," Cheryl said. "She does have this vibe that she could play for both teams. Like Pam."

"Oh please!" Ray waved his hand. "If anyone is gay out of that group it's Fred!"

"Fred? But he's dating Daphne!" Pam protested. "I think…"

"And how long did it take for him to actually kiss her?" Ray gave her a look. "Over thirty years?"

"Plus he wears an ascot," Archer pointed out. "What straight guy wears an ascot?"

"Exactly!" Ray nodded.

"I am spending my evening in a nerd porn club listening to my son and the Idiot Brigade argue about cartoons," Mallory groaned as she looked at her empty flask. "And I am out of alcohol. How the hell did this become my life?"

"Can we veer away from Cartoon Network and discuss how we are **actually** going to catch this person or ghost if it actually exists?" Lana asked in an annoyed voice.

"What if it is an actual ghost?" Pam asked. "And bullets don't work?"

"Then we use this baby!" Krieger showed them a huge black device with a large vacuum like suction. "My Krieg-Ecto Catcher 2000!"

"It looks like a giant wet dry vacuum cleaner," Lana said.

"It is a giant wet dry vacuum cleaner," Krieger said. "But it sucks more!"

"Took the words right out of my mouth," Archer quipped.

"Let's just split up and look around," Lana suggested with a sigh.

"Good idea," Mallory grumbled. "Maybe the ghost will pick you off one by one?"

"Hold on…" Cyril turned around. "I thought I heard something."

"That's me," Pam said as she burped. "Had a breakfast burrito for a light snack before we came here and…"

"Not that!" Cyril snapped. "I'd know **that noise** in my sleep!"

"We'd all know that noise in our sleep," Ray groaned.

Something was heard. "There it is again!" Cyril whispered.

"I heard that too," Lana took out her gun.

"Time to lock and load!" Krieger readied his machine.

"This has to be one of the **stupidest** …." Mallory began.

Suddenly something came out of the floor right in front of where Mallory was sitting. "AAAAAAAAHHHH!" Mallory screamed as she fell backwards, chair and all.

"AAAAAHHH!" Everyone shouted.

Archer, Lana and Ray started firing their weapons. The bullet's barely missed Mallory as they ricocheted off of items. Some models were destroyed. A plastic statue of a girl in a sailor suit got its head blown off.

"DON'T SHOOT YOU IDIOTS!" Mallory screamed. "YOU'LL HIT ME!"

"Oh what a shame if **that happened** ," Ray smirked as he prepared to shoot again.

"I've got you now you….!" Krieger prepared to fire up his weapon. "Ghost?"

"Hi Ya!" A certain pink haired hologram in a sexy bride costume waved at them. "Tee hee! Scary, scary pretty bride frighten lazy, lazy gaijin! Wheee!"

"Mitsuko?" Krieger shouted.

"Nice read Velma," Archer quipped.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS STUPID THING DOING HERE?" Mallory screamed as she shot up. "AND YOU IDIOTS COULD HAVE SHOT ME! I COULD HAVE BEEN KILLED!"

"Oh well," Ray shrugged. "There's always next time."

Mallory glared at Ray. Then glared at Mitsuko. "What the hell are you doing here you…!" She tried to strangle the hologram but went right through her. "You little…"

"He, he, he!" Mitsuko giggled. "Crazy old drunken bat can't kill me!"

"I CAN TRY!" Mallory tried to strangle her again but failed. "COME ON!"

"Mallory…" Lana let out a sigh as everyone put their guns away. "What is she doing here?"

"I get lonely in the lab," Mitsuko shrugged. "Krieger-san always play stupid games with stupid girls on phone. So I go out. I found this place!"

She floated to where one of the shot up statues were. "They look like me! So happy!"

"Well this place is only two blocks from our agency," Krieger shrugged.

"So you're the one who's been haunting this place **the whole time**?" Lana fumed. "KRIEGER!"

"What?" Krieger asked. "How is this my fault?"

"Ray if you wouldn't mind…?" Cyril sighed.

Ray obliged by slapping Krieger repeatedly for a few minutes. "OW! OW! OW! OW! OW!" Krieger protested.

"He, he, he…" Mitsuko laughed.

"That's it!" Mallory went over and grabbed the device from Krieger and pointed it at Mitsuko. "Suck on this bitch!"

"Phrasing!" Archer spoke up.

Mallory turned it on with ease, since Krieger had labeled the on switch. "DIE!" Mallory shouted as he pointed the vacuum at Mitsuko. "DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE!"

Of course nothing happened. Mitsuko just floated there.

"Mallory, it's just a vacuum cleaner," Lana sighed. "Doesn't work on holograms."

"Huh, guess it probably wouldn't work on ghosts either," Krieger scratched his head. "Well, back to the old drawing board."

"The only thing that thing is getting rid of are some dust bunnies," Ray admitted. "And even that not very well."

"AAAAGGGGHH!" Mallory threw down the machine in frustration. "I just wanted to destroy her! Is that asking too much? And I would have too if it wasn't for you meddling idiots and that stupid clone!"

"Well that's another case closed!" Archer said cheerfully. "That was an easy case!"

"Oh yeah. We get to tell our clients that the ghost is a hologram that one of our own members created!" Cyril snapped. "That'll really impress them!"

"Seriously?" Pam blinked.

"Sarcastically," Cyril groaned.

"Oh. Yeah I can see where they might be a bit upset with us if they find out," Pam admitted. "Not to mention we shot up the place and wrecked a lot of their stuff."

"YOU THINK?" Mallory snapped.

"I am not giving back that money!" Cyril snapped. "I've already spent half of it on advertising for the agency!"

"Goody, more stupid pink fliers with a dog on them," Mallory rolled her eyes.

"Well we could always tell them we threw in a spiritual cleansing!" Cheryl said cheerfully. She held up the lit candles. "With these candles I brought!"

"Oh God! She has access to fire!" Cyril gulped.

"This never ends well," Archer remarked.

"How did you get access to matches?" Ray screamed.

"I don't know," Cheryl blinked.

"Carol…" Archer said nervously, still not using Cheryl's real name. "Put down the candles."

"Okay!" Cheryl cheerfully threw them over her shoulder.

"NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!" Everyone shouted as the candles bounced. One of them hit a stack of manga out in the open. The other bounced off a curtain setting it on fire before landing near some models. That instantly caught on fire.

"Wow, those things are really flammable aren't they?" Pam blinked.

"Oh I knew this wouldn't end well…" Archer groaned.

Ten minutes later…

"Well at least no one saw us leave the building," Ray said weakly as the gang sat in Cyril's main office. They could see smoke from the horizon as well as hear the sounds of fire engines.

"A perfect end to a perfect evening…" Mallory grumbled as she took a drink of scotch. "I hate you all so much…"

"Krieger you have got to put her on a leash or something!" Cyril glared at Krieger.

"Why? You no put Cheryl on a leash!" Mitsuko chirped.

"She does have a point there," Krieger said.

"I bet Scooby Doo never had nights like this," Pam quipped.

"Okay here's how this is going to go," Cyril told them. "We'll tell our clients it was a real evil spirit that was one of the mobsters that was killed here and we banished it but not before it created a fire. Got it?"

"You really think they'll buy that?" Lana asked incredulously.

"The man who hired me swears he has a Pikachu in his basement," Cyril told them. "He'll believe it."

"I can't believe half the things we've done and survived," Ray groaned.

"I can't believe we haven't been arrested for real by now," Lana rolled her eyes.

"I can't believe I haven't killed you idiots by now," Mallory grumbled.


End file.
